Forgiveness — Not Re-Invitation.
Forgiveness. Tough for some, easier for others. Forgiveness is when anger and resentment is released. It is the ‘intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offence…’
Forgiveness doesn’t mean there has to be a reconciliation. It is just a way for the offended to propel forward so that they are not emotionally enclosed in their trauma or injustice. One lesson that people need to learn, is that, just because you have decided to forgive someone it doesn’t necessarily mean that they must be re-invited to be as close to you. I learnt this lesson the hard way as I tend to forgive people a lot — more than I did in previous years (will come onto that later..) and I would just allow them to be close to me again and the offences would just repeat themselves. Now don’t get me wrong, some people are forgiven and they eventually learn from their mistake, but often, people don’t learn.
‘Forgiveness is an act of letting go. To forgive is to begin to rid yourself of attachment to that which you cannot change.’
Forgiveness can be quite a hard process, but to deal with this process and get through it, you can make this process gradual. For example, if someone has wronged you and you believe that they deserve another chance, take it slow. Talk to them first, get the apology that is required, tell them how you feel, and talk together and see how to fix the issue. Before forgiving someone you need to reveal your anger, your hurt, your resentment etc by discovering how you as an individual have avoided or addressed your emotions. If you decide to forgive, you will then realise that ignorance or coping with how you have been offended isn’t the answer to your predicament. Another method is to become compassionate towards the person who offended you — were their actions malicious?
To be fair, I’ve never found it severely hard to forgive people, I see myself as quite a forgiving person — in the sense that, yes people have done me terribly wrong and I still found a place in my heart to forgive them. At first I didn’t know why this was the case, but when I started strengthening my relationship with God, I realised I cannot carry hate or resentment in my heart — I must forgive. This led to me forgiving someone I carried a grudge against for quite some time. I’m telling you now, I felt like there was a weight lifted off my shoulders once I had come to this decision. It honestly made me feel happier. Well, that’s just some personal insight.
There has been occasions where I thought I couldn’t and wouldn’t be forgiven and this feeling isn’t a nice one; I won’t go into too much detail. I had to pray to God for his forgiveness first, before turning to the people I offended and asking for their forgiveness. I thank God for granting me forgiveness for all my transgressions — big or small. It has allowed me to comprehend the level of importance that forgiveness holds.
People may ask if there are any acts/offences that are impossible to forgive — the answer in my opinion is no. Reason being that if forgiveness is going to instil peace and/or healing then there is nothing that is too extreme to be forgiven. Harbouring resentment towards another person is just a way of punishing yourself.
In the Bible there are verses that can help one go through the process of forgiveness:
Numbers 14:18: ‘The Lord is slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression, but he will by no means clear the guilty.’ God will take care of those who have wronged us because He doesn’t let the guilty go unpunished.
Luke 17:4: ‘If he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times saying , ‘repent’, you must forgive him.’ There is no limit to the amount of forgiveness we can bestow.
2 Corinthians 2:5–8,10: ‘Now if anyone has caused pain, he has caused it not to me, but in some measure — not to put it too severely — to all of you. For such a one, this punishment by the majority is enough, so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him … Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive.’ Forgiveness is an act of kindness that helps other people to heal in God’s light.
Colossians 3:13: ‘The Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.’ This is an ultimate lesson in the Bible and it teaches us that we should forgive because God forgives. If He can forgive, so can we.
Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.
Forgiveness can grant you the path that you need to move on…whether that be individually or you and the offender together.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean they’re not guilty. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. Forgiveness means letting go of the pain that was caused. Forgiveness doesn’t mean re-invitation. Thank you.
